Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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