someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
