Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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