hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Randomize
