Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Randomize
