be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Dicks are not precious.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
