meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
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