I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
