the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize