The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
