best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
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