weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
