You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
You're a waste of cheezeits
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Everyone says I win the strip club
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
