Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
