we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
