just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Randomize
