matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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