apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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