Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
Someone shit on the floor
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize