You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
