We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
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