Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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