So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
