like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Randomize
