My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
