So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
