So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
