Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
oh god was she eating orange peels again
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize