You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
