she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Randomize
