Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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