if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
