I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
