Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
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