The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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