halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
