Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
My vagina just clenched in fear
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
