So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
