I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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