This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
