is your mom at the bar?
yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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