DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
what day is it and did you see me today?
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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