put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
