How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
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