my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
