I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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