evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
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