I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
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