i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
tequila makes me forget i have legs
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
