I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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