Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
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