like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
