I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
