I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
