I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
