I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
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