i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
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