8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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