8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize