Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
