did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Randomize
