Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
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