I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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