he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
