I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
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