I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Randomize
