K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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