i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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