hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
did i just pee glitter
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Randomize