i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
bring money and cleavage
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Randomize